Escape to Paradise: Your Own Rustic Spanish Oasis Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: My Honest Take on That Rustic Spanish Oasis! (Spoiler: It's Worth It!)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I'm about to spill the beans on "Escape to Paradise," that rustic Spanish oasis they're selling you. I've just spent a week there, and let me tell you, it's not all perfectly Instagrammable sunsets and flawless sangria. But damn, is it charming. And yes, I'm going to be brutally honest about it. Because who needs another perfectly curated travel blog when you can have the real deal, right?
First Impressions: Getting There, Staying Connected (and Trying Not to Lose My Mind)
Forget the whole "accessible" marketing fluff for a second. Accessibility. The reality of travel, eh? The good news is, Escape to Paradise has an elevator, which is a massive win. They've put in some effort for facilities for disabled guests, which I appreciate. CCTV in common areas and CCTV outside property gave me a sense of security, even though my Spanish is limited and I'm pretty sure I was accidentally locked in my room once (more on that later). The 24-hour front desk, doorman, and 24-hour security were definitely reassuring, especially after that whole room-locking incident.
Now for the WiFi. OH. MY. GOODNESS. Apparently, the 21st century has reached this little corner of Spain. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Praise be! And it actually worked. I'm a digital nomad, so this is crucial. They even had Internet [LAN], for those who are REALLY dedicated to their connection. There's Wi-Fi in public areas too, for those moments when you desperately need to Google "how to say 'I'm locked in my room' in Spanish." (Spoiler alert: it’s "Estoy encerrado en mi habitación!” I finally learned!).
Sanitation and Safety: Feeling Safeish… Mostly
Okay, let’s talk about the C-word (not… that C-word. You know, the other one). Escape to Paradise clearly takes the whole cleanliness thing seriously. They had anti-viral cleaning products, daily disinfection in common areas, and professional-grade sanitizing services. My room was definitely sparkling. They're also doing the physical distancing of at least 1 meter, and I felt like the staff was constantly washing their hands. I saw hand sanitizer strategically placed everywhere, and the breakfast takeaway service and individually-wrapped food options were a nice touch. Let's be honest though, the "room sanitization opt-out available" sign gave me the heebie-jeebies. Like, am I expected to opt-out? Maybe I'm just paranoid. But hey, Hygiene certification is a good starting point!
The Room: Rustic Charm, Occasional Hiccups
Let's talk about the rooms, shall we? My room had some real rustic vibes. It was spacious, with a desk that I loved. They had air conditioning which I desperately needed in the Spanish summer. And blackout curtains? Bless. Essential condiment - the ultimate holiday lifehack. I loved the extra long bed, I could stretch out properly! The complimentary tea was a nice touch, and I appreciate the free bottled water. The mini bar was a bit pricey, but hey, it's vacation. I will say, the shower was a bit… temperamental. One minute scalding, the next freezing. And my hair dryer gave up the ghost after a few days, not ideal for a long stay. But at least there was an in-room safe box and a mirror big enough to do a proper dance-off in front of. More positively, there were slippers and bathrobes, and I was never going to return home.
Food, Glorious Food! (And My Stomach’s Adventures)
This is where things get… interesting. There are restaurants galore! They have Asian cuisine in restaurant and International cuisine in restaurant! This is amazing. The breakfast [buffet] was a solid start to the day. I'd start with the breakfast service and sometimes I'd take a breakfast in room if I was hungover. I’d grab a cup of coffee/tea in restaurant from the coffee shop.
The a la carte in restaurant was good too, and they've got a vegetarian restaurant, which is helpful. I loved the soup in restaurant and the salad in restaurant - it really helped me stay healthy. While I didn’t partake, the Happy hour seemed popular. There were also times I ate a desserts in restaurant to treat myself. And the bottle of water was always needed. The poolside bar was a lifesaver. The most amazing part? The poolside bar! The Snack bar was also perfect.
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: From Sauna to… Well, More Sauna
Ah, the relaxation. This is where Escape to Paradise truly shines. There's a lovely swimming pool [outdoor], and a pool with a view, which is exactly what you see in the brochure. Yes, the sauna and steamroom were heavenly. I actually spent a lot of time in the Spa/sauna, it was a constant. There's a Fitness center, which I intended to use, but mostly admired from afar. They had a gym/fitness, and it's just a must. There's a Massage, and I definitely took advantage. Some people take a dip in the foot bath, so maybe that's great too? I was thinking of a Body scrub, so maybe one day? Maybe the Body wrap? I wasn't sure, but it sounded fun!
For the Kids & Grown-Ups: Family-Friendly Fun?
I didn't have any kids with me, but the place seemed pretty family-friendly. They had Kids facilities, and a Babysitting service! There were even Kids meal options, for the tiny foodies. I'm sure it's a great set up for parents.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter
They really thought of everything at Escape to Paradise. They have an Airport transfer, which is a godsend. There's a Concierge, which is handy for booking day trips and generally feeling pampered. They do Daily housekeeping, thank the lord. The Laundry service was quick and efficient, and the Dry cleaning came in handy. There’s also a convenience store, which came in handy for midnight chocolate runs.
Let's Talk Imperfections (Because, You Know, Life)
Okay, so it wasn't all sunshine and roses (though there were definitely roses). The service had some hiccups. Occasionally, the staff seemed a little overwhelmed, and getting a straight answer about, say, the best tapas bars in town felt like pulling teeth. And like I said, I got accidentally locked in my room. Twice. It was a whole thing. I eventually got rescued, but it involved a lot of frantic pointing and a very confused maintenance guy. But hey, it made a good story.
The Verdict: Would I Go Back?
Absolutely, yes. Despite the quirks, the occasionally dodgy shower, and the room-locking incident, Escape to Paradise offers a genuinely charming experience. It's not a sterile, cookie-cutter hotel – it's got character, warmth, and a serious dose of Spanish soul. It's a place to unwind, recharge, and maybe, just maybe, learn a few choice Spanish phrases.
Here's the Offer! (Book Now, Live Later!)
Craving a Rustic Spanish Escape? Escape to Paradise Awaits!
Tired of the same old vacations? Do you dream of waking up to the gentle Spanish sun, sipping coffee on your private terrace, and losing yourself in the beauty of the Andalusian countryside? Then Escape to Paradise is calling your name!
We're offering you an experience, not just a hotel stay. Imagine:
- Unwind in our luxurious spa, complete with a sauna, steamroom, and expert massage therapists.
- Dive into our stunning outdoor swimming pool and soak up the sun with a drink from the poolside bar.
- Savor authentic Spanish cuisine at our multiple restaurants, from a breakfast buffet to delicious international cuisine.
- Stay connected with free Wi-Fi in your room and public areas.
- Embrace worry-free travel with our commitment to cleanliness and safety, including anti-viral cleaning products and physical distancing.
- Family-friendly fun, for kids and adults of all ages.
But wait, there's more!
For the first 25 guests who book directly through our website, we are offering:
- A complimentary bottle of Spanish wine upon arrival, waiting in your room!
- A free pass to our spa facilities for the duration of your stay!
- **Priority booking for
Okay, buckle up buttercups. This isn't your perfectly-manicured travel blog. This is me in Spain, or at least, how I think it’ll go. Rustic apartment with patioterrace? Sign me up! Expect… well, expect a glorious mess. Let's see if I can even stick to this damn plan. (Spoiler alert: Probably not.)
Spain - A Week of Glorious, Unscheduled Chaos (and Patatas Bravas)
Day 1: Arrival & Immediate Panic (Madrid – The Gateway to Me Losing My Mind)
Morning (like, really early): Get on the plane. I swear, I packed everything. Passport? Check. Lonely Planet (that I actually read and plan to use? Maybe). A small arsenal of travel anxiety? Triple check. I’m already picturing the lost luggage and language barrier tango. Send prayers. Also, coffee. Lots of coffee.
Afternoon (the "Arrival and Questioning My Life Choices" phase): Madrid airport. The sheer scale. The sheer noise. Finding the metro… a feat of epic proportions. Will I accidentally get on the wrong train? Will I look like a complete idiot? (Spoiler: Yes.) My apartment keys should be waiting. Hopefully, the "rustic" part means charming, not dilapidated. And by god, I hope the wifi works.
Evening (the "Patatas Bravas or Bust" phase): Land. Get to apartment. Dump luggage (hopefully not onto the floor). The thrill of the patioterrace is real! And for the love of all that is holy, find that place for patatas bravas I read about. The real ones with the garlic aioli and the spicy sauce… If this trip doesn't involve carb-loaded perfection, it's a failure. Maybe a small glass of wine…or several. The jet lag hasn't set in yet. I can feel it though.
Day 2: Culture Shock & Sangria (Madrid - Embrace the Beautiful Madness)
Morning (the "Museums and My Impatience" phase): The Prado Museum. Okay, okay, I want to be cultured. I've read all about Goya and Velazquez. But can I actually focus with crowds and the nagging suspicion that I’m completely missing the point? Pray for me. Maybe I'll sneak a peek at that painting I love and then… well, then I’ll need coffee. And maybe a pastry from a local panadería.
Afternoon (the "Losing Myself in La Latina" phase): Get lost in La Latina. Seriously. Wander the tiny, winding streets. Soak up the atmosphere. Stumble onto a hidden plaza. And find a spot where I can actually sit and drink some sangria. Maybe even attempt to speak some Spanish with the locals. (My Spanish is truly… rustic.)
Evening (the "Don't Judge My Tapas Order" phase): Tapas tour! Okay, not a tour, but a solo tapas mission. Try everything. Order confidently (even if I have no idea what I'm ordering). Embrace the "oops, I ordered way too much food" experience. Because frankly, it's a part of life.
Day 3: Toledo - A Day Trip (Or, The City on a Hill That Almost Broke Me)
Morning (the "Train Trouble" phase): Train to Toledo. Easy, right? Haha. Famous last words. Finding the right platform. Understanding the ticket machine. Praying it actually leaves on time. And that I don’t miss the damn train. I probably will. My track record isn't great. Then, a quiet contemplation of the journey to Toledo. No rushed, just taking time to enjoy.
Afternoon (the "Toledo's Beauty and My Blisters" phase): Toledo. It's stunning. The views! The history! The architecture! But… the hills. The steep ass hills. Wear comfortable shoes. Seriously. I did not. Tour the cathedral. Wander the Jewish Quarter. And then collapse in a shaded plaza and try to remember why I thought this was a good idea in the first place.
Evening (the "More Wine, Please" phase): Back to Madrid (hopefully). Dinner and more wine. I'll need it after the foot torture. I might also need a good rant about those hills.
Day 4: The Retreat & Repeat Phase
Morning (the "Patioterrace Time!" phase): A day to simply do as I please. That patioterrace needs to be used. The morning will be a leisurely one, with coffee, and possibly more pastries if I'm being true to myself. Perhaps some journaling, but mostly contemplating the bliss of simply being. And drinking more coffee.
Afternoon (the "Exploring the Neighborhood" phase): Exploring around the apartment. Maybe a local market! Find the best coffee, and see what the area offers. Possibly I'll stumble upon some hidden gems.
Evening (the "Repeat Day 1" phase): The most Spanish tradition: the evening is an endless adventure of food, wine, and friends. Probably, I'll dine out tapas or go with a new restaurant. It will repeat again.
Day 5: Segovia & The Aqueduct (…Or, The Day I Tried to Conquer a Roman Masterpiece. And Failed.)
Morning: The same thing. The train, the platform, the tickets, the rush and the panic.
Afternoon: Segovia. Another historic city, another beautiful thing I have to see to survive. The Aqueduct is probably enough in itself to make me speechless. And then the Alcázar, aka the castle. I can't wait to see it.
Evening: Some nice place to repeat the food and the wine as normal,
Day 6: Granada - A Long Stretch (And the Alhambra, I Hope…)
Morning: This day starts a bit earlier as I head off to the station once more. Here on, the pace will be more fast, with the arrival to Granada.
Afternoon: Find the place, find the way. Get to the Alhambra, it will be one of the most important, and beautiful, place. If I can get in, that is.
Evening: Enjoy the night in the place where I am. Search for a beautiful restaurant.
Day 7: Adios Madrid (And A Few Tears, Maybe?)
Morning: Last day. Pack. Have a last coffee. Visit a few places.
Afternoon: Get to the airport. Cry a little. Or a lot. Spain, you magnificent, frustrating, delicious beast, you’ve done it again.
Evening: Home. Contemplate a return. Start planning the next trip. Because, let’s be honest, I’ll probably need another dose of beautiful chaos soon.
Escape to Paradise: Your Own Rustic Spanish Oasis Awaits! ...Seriously, What *Is* This Thing?
Okay, so... "Escape to Paradise"? Sounds a bit dramatic. What *actually* is this place? And like, is it even paradise?
Alright, alright, settle down, drama queen. "Paradise" might be pushing it... unless you consider dodging chickens and mastering the art of the siesta paradise. Basically, it's this rustic-ish, charming-ish finca in the Spanish countryside. Think old stone walls, a wonky olive tree (that *apparently* produces amazing olives, I wouldn't know, I've been using them for impromptu juggling practice), and an overall vibe of 'lived-in'. Honestly, when I first saw the photos, I thought it was going to be all perfectly Instagrammable. It's... not. The roof leaks a bit. Or, more accurately, it *weeps* when it rains. But hey, it has character, right? A character that also occasionally tries to drown you. But mostly, it's a place to unplug, de-stress, and maybe, just maybe, learn to enjoy the simple things. Like not having reliable internet. Which is… *sigh*… also character.
Rustic? How rustic are we talking? Like, outhouse rustic? Because my bladder and I have a serious disagreement about that kind of setup.
Nope, thankfully, no outhouses. We're talking... well, it depends on your tolerance for quirks. The bathroom isn't *exactly* modern, but it has a flushing toilet (praise the lord!). The shower pressure is… let’s just say it requires patience and a certain zen-like ability to remain calm when you're only getting a trickle. The kitchen? A fascinating mix of ancient and… slightly less ancient, featuring appliances that might predate the invention of electricity. The fridge hums like a disgruntled bumblebee. And the oven? Well, baking is an adventure. Let's just say I charred a pan of supposedly foolproof brownies into a black, inedible hockey puck. But hey, look on the bright side: less temptation!
What's the *vibe*? Relaxed? Wild? Will I need to bring a hazmat suit?
Relaxed is the keyword. Wild, in the sense that the local wildlife (chickens, cats, the occasional grumpy goat) roam freely. Hazmat suit? Unless you have a serious phobia of dust bunnies, probably not. Though, the dust bunnies here… they're… prolific. And they judge. Trust me. The vibe is definitely 'slow living'. Days are spent wandering around, reading by the pool (which, by the way, is *glorious*, when it’s actually been cleaned – my bad. I got distracted by the olive juggling), eating fresh food, and trying not to sweat too much in the Spanish sun. Expect to adjust to a slower pace of life. And to embrace the fact that things might not always go according to plan. Like, the time I tried to cook paella and the rice just basically… exploded. I swear, it turned into a volcanic eruption of saffron-infused mush. So, yeah… relaxed. Eventually, anyway.
Let's talk food. I need sustenance. Is there good food? Will I starve? Am I going to need to learn Spanish?
Okay, food is AMAZING. Absolutely amazing. Fresh produce from the local markets. The bread is to die for (seriously, I’ve considered smuggling a loaf back home). And the local restaurants? Oh my god. Tiny, family-run places where you'll be eating things you can't even pronounce, but you'll love every bite. Now, the Spanish? Well, it helps. A little. I got by with my basic “¿Dónde está el baño?” and “Una cerveza, por favor.” But the locals are super friendly and patient with my mangled grammar. Honestly, a smile and a willingness to try goes a long way. And even if you just point at things on the menu (which I definitely did for the first few days), you'll eat well. You won't starve. Unless you set the kitchen on fire. Which, speaking from… experience… is a definite possibility.
So, about this "pool"... what's the deal? Is it actually swim-able? Because a dirty pool is a dealbreaker.
The pool…ah, the pool… Let me delve a little more into the pool. Honestly, the pool is *divine*. When it's clean. Which, as I mentioned, is a work in progress. It’s one of the many ‘projects’ around the place. The previous owners, bless their hearts, were clearly… less meticulous than I am. Or maybe more relaxed? See, my main problem with the pool is that, I'm easily distracted, and cleaning a pool is BORING. I’d much rather be meandering through the olive groves, or attempting to decipher the mysteries of the local wine, or, you know, avoiding the chickens. The first few days, it was more of a… green lagoon, frankly. Full of algae and… other things. But after a solid day of scrubbing, skimming, and battling the local insect population, it was crystal clear. And then… bliss. I spent hours just floating, staring at the sky, and feeling the tension drain away. It's actually… truly lovely. So, yes, it is swim-able. Eventually. (And I now have a newfound respect for pool maintenance.)
What kind of people is this aimed at? Who is this *not* for?
This is for people who are looking for something…different. Someone who values experiences over perfection. If you're a control freak who needs everything to be spotless and predictable, then run, don't walk, away. If you can't handle a bit of dust, a few unexpected hiccups, or the occasional power outage, this ain't your gig. If you need instant internet (again, it's a *thing*), pack your bags and head to a Wi-Fi enabled resort. This is for people who are open-minded, adaptable, and willing to embrace the quirks. The imperfections. The things that make a place truly unique. Those that are up for an adventure. And those that want a proper rest. I’m looking at you, burnt-out city dwellers!
Is there anything to *do* besides, you know, exist? I get bored easily.
Oh honey, *are* there things to do. There's exploring local villages, hiking through the mountains, visiting the beach (a shortish drive away), reading books under the olive trees (highly recommended), and, of course, indulging in copious amounts of sunbathing. You can also try your hand at cooking, painting (the scenery is ridiculously inspiring), or just… staring at the stars. If you're feeling adventurous, there are day trips to nearby cities – Granada, Malaga, all just a short drive away. I did one day trip to Granada, and it was amazing. The Alhambra is mind-blowing. It was… a lot. I’d recommend pacing yourself. It's easy to get a bit overwhelmed. But I mean, it is nice toNomadic Stays
