Luxury Getaway: Liuzhou's Hidden Gem Near Longtan Park!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into the delightful, the disappointing, and the downright fascinating world of . This ain't gonna be a textbook review, folks. This is real. I've been there, I've sniffed the air, I've judged the pillows. And I'm ready to spill the tea (or maybe a perfectly chilled G&T from the poolside bar, more on that later).
First, let's address the elephant in the room: Accessibility. Okay, from what I've gathered (and I'm going to be honest, I didn't personally use a wheelchair on this trip, so I'm relying on the info), they say they're wheelchair accessible. Elevator, check. Facilities for disabled guests, check. But…and there’s always a but, isn't there? Always read the fine print when it comes to accessibility, call them directly and ask.
Internet. Oh, the Internet! Let's face it, we're addicted. Which explains why, like most hotels, it's a mixed bag. They tout "Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" and whispers "Internet [LAN]". Fine. Fine. But. Free Wi-Fi can mean anything from lightning-fast to dial-up circa 1998. Fingers crossed you get the good stuff, otherwise, you'll be reduced to roaming the halls like a lost soul, searching for a stronger signal. On the plus side, the hotel has “Internet services", which means whatever you may need to do on the internet, you should have the means.
The Relaxation Station: Spa Time! Now, this is where things got interesting. They have a "Pool with view" and a stunning one at that, a “Sauna” and many, many spa treatments, including "Body scrub" “Body wrap” and “Massage”. I dove in headfirst. The pool was divine; the water shimmering, the cocktails flowing. The sauna was…warm, and nice, but honestly, I was there for the massage. Which, let me tell you, was the kind of massage that makes you melt into the table and forget your name. Worth. Every. Penny. Okay, maybe a little pricey, but who cares? You're on vacation! And the “Foot bath”, well that was interesting…
Fitness Frenzy or Fitness Flop? Yes, they do have a "Fitness center" or a "Gym/fitness," and that's great. I just…I didn't go. Okay? I blame the pool bar. And all those delicious Desserts in restaurant. We all have our priorities.
Eating and Drinking: A Gastronomic Adventure! This is where the hotel really shines, and I'm talking from personal experience here. Restaurants? Plural! "Asian cuisine in restaurant", "International cuisine in restaurant" and more are sure to tantalize even the most discerning palate. The Breakfast [buffet] was a spectacle. I'm not usually a buffet person, but this one was next level. I’m talking Western breakfast, Asian breakfast, and more. The fresh fruit section alone could’ve sustained life. And the coffee! Glorious, strong, life-giving coffee. Poolside bar - need I say more? Happy hour? Sign me up! And the Room service [24-hour]? Crucial for those late-night cravings after a few too many cocktails. And you can even grab Bottles of water and a Coffee/tea in restaurant or some Snack bar stuff, so you should be ok.
Cleanliness and Safety: Are We Safe? Okay, the COVID-19 protocols. They're taking it seriously. "Anti-viral cleaning products," "Daily disinfection in common areas," "Room sanitization opt-out available," "Staff trained in safety protocol," "Hand sanitizer," "Sanitized kitchen and tableware items." I mean, they’re trying. They even offer Breakfast takeaway service, Individually-wrapped food options to make you feel like you’re not so exposed. Look, I felt relatively safe. They had quite a few protections in place.
The Room: My Little Sanctuary (Kind Of) Ah, the rooms. Air conditioning, check. Blackout curtains, double-check (essential for sleeping off those jet lag-induced naps). Free bottled water, a lifesaver. Coffee/tea maker, thank you, sweet baby Jesus (I needed my coffee, okay?!). Mini bar, tempting (but potentially expensive). The Internet access – wireless was decent (thankfully). The Slippers were a nice touch, and the Bathrobes were even better. The additional toilet was a welcome bonus, and the Soundproofing was pretty darn good (thank goodness, because let's just say the couple next door were very enthusiastic). I was lucky, I had a Window that opens (always a plus!), but I guess it's one of those that’s available in the room.
Amenities & Services: The Good, the Bad, and the "Huh?" Concierge, helpful. Daily housekeeping, excellent. Laundry service, much needed. Cash withdrawal, useful. Dry cleaning, hey, it's there. Doorman, always a friendly face. Elevator, vital. Luggage storage, convenient. Safety deposit boxes, smart. Room decorations, alright, I'll give them that. Alarm clock, yes. Desk, useful. Desk, used it. The Car park [free of charge] was a very nice touch for me.
Things to do & Getting Around: Airport transfer is always a good start. Car park [on-site] again good. Taxi service is also available. Bicycle parking seems a tiny bit odd, but it’s there.
For the Kids: Well, I didn’t travel with kids, so I can’t personally vouch for this, but they do have Babysitting service, Family/child friendly offerings.
Now, For the Big Pitch…
Listen Up, Travelers! If you’re looking for a place that's almost everything at once – with a killer spa, delicious food, and a pretty decent room – then the you might just be what you're looking for.
It's perfect for:
- The Spa Junkie: Seriously, the massages alone are worth the stay.
- The Foodie: Prepare to eat like a king (or queen).
- The Relaxer: The pool, the drinks, the sheer vibe of this place – it's built for chill.
So, here's the deal: Book your stay at . The moment you walk in, you need to forget about work because you’re going on vacation, right?
BUT, and this is important – do your research. Call them to verify details, read recent reviews. Go with an open mind, a good book, and a healthy dose of optimism. Trust me, you'll have a memorable time. And if you spot me at the poolside bar, buy me a drink!
Indonesian Paradise: Your Cozy 1BR Deluxe Escape (IR70A)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's meticulously planned itinerary. This is me, flailing through Liuzhou, China, fueled by questionable street food and a healthy dose of existential dread (kidding! Mostly). Here’s the approximate, and highly subject to change, schedule of me and my questionable decisions staying at the City Comfort Inn Liuzhou Longtan Park. This is going to be a vibe.
Day 1: Arrival and the Quest for the Elusive Dumpling of Joy (and possibly regret).
- 14:00 - 15:00: Arrival at the City Comfort Inn. (Dear god, please let the air conditioning work…).
- Okay, first impressions: the lobby smells faintly of disinfectant and…something else. Let’s call it “aspirational cleanliness.” The staff are all smiles, bless their hearts, because I imagine I look like a sweaty, jet-lagged disaster. Getting the room key was actually a bit of a saga. Turns out, my attempt at Mandarin ("Ni hao, room key?") was… less than effective. Eventually, with a mix of frantic pointing and miming unlocking a door I think they understood. Triumph! (And the AC does work! Hallelujah!)
- 15:00 - 16:00: Unpacking and Contemplating Bedding.
- My backpack exploded. Seriously, it looks like a crime scene. Unpacking is going to take longer than expected. Also, that hotel-provided duvet… is it silk? Is it polyester? I'm too tired to tell. I might just sleep on top of it, avoiding any potential clinging. I am, after all, a seasoned traveler. (Okay, I have gone on trips. Once, to the seaside.)
- 16:00 - 18:00: The Great Dumpling Hunt.
- The mission: find the perfect dumpling. My stomach is rumbling like a bass drum. Wandered the streets. Followed a trail of delicious smells that led me to a vendor with a tiny, steaming cart. Saw the dumplings - glorious, chubby little pockets of potential. Ordered some. Had to resort to the universal language of pointing and smiling. The verdict? Magnificent. So juicy, so flavorful, I almost shed a tear of pure joy right there on the sidewalk. (Almost. I'm trying to maintain some semblance of dignity.) This needs to become a daily thing. I'm already planning my strategy for tomorrow.
- 18:00 - 20:00: Longtan Park Stroll (Survived the Mosquito Swarm!)
- Okay, Longtan Park. It's, well, long. And lush. And full of people taking evening strolls. And…mosquitoes. The size of small birds. I got eaten alive. I blame the delicious dumplings - they clearly made me extra-delicious to the insect population. Managed to snap some photos of the pagoda looking pretty in the dusky light before legging it back to the hotel, swatting the air in a desperate attempt to regain some blood. (I may or may not have considered hiding in my room until sunrise.)
- 20:00 - 22:00: Failed Attempt at Ordering Room Service.
- Mandarin level is currently non-existent. There was much pointing, gesturing, and frantic use of Google Translate, which, of course, produced responses like "I am a cow of the sun." Eventually, I just gave up. Back to the stash of instant noodles I brought from home. Hey, at least they won't judge my lack of language skills. (And they're comfortingly familiar).
Day 2: A Whirlwind of Views, Vendors, and the Unforeseen.
- 08:00 - 09:00: Breakfast Fail.
- The "complimentary breakfast" buffet in the hotel seems to be the same mystery meat and questionable noodles. It probably isn't the first ingredient, and I’m not sure I want to know. I'm starting to seriously consider smuggling in a bag of granola bars. Or just sticking to…you know what, dumplings, round two, here I come! I bet the dumpling man is already ready for me.
- 09:00 - 12:00: Ma'anshan in all it's glory.
- Okay, so "Ma'anshan" is actually "Horse Saddle Mountain", known for the stunning views and the… well, the stairs. Let's just say my glutes will be screaming later. I got lost twice on the way up and had to ask three kindly grannies for directions. (They were very amused). The view from the top was incredible, though. Absolutely breathtaking. The perfect excuse to sit down and recover for a long while.
- The descent was worse. A rogue dog decided to run down the mountain with me. I’m not sure who was more scared and out of breath. I eventually lost the dog.
- 12:00 - 14:00: Lunch with a Side of Confusion.
- Found a noodle shop. Ordered what I thought was a simple bowl of noodles, using the now-familiar pointing-and-smiling technique. What arrived was a mountainous pile of…something. It had noodles, yes, but also…things. I couldn't identify most of them. (Maybe it had meat? Possibly, I was terrified of eating meat. It's definitely a gamble.) I took a chance and ate it. Surprisingly delicious? Absolutely. I think. Or maybe exhaustion is finally affecting my taste buds.
- 14:00 - 16:00: Street Shopping and the Power of Bargaining (or, the Art of Looking Desperate).
- Ventured back into the streets. The markets! The colors! The smells! Bought a…a decorative fan. A ridiculously bright one. Bargaining is an Olympic sport here. I tried. Failed miserably. The vendor clearly saw right through my attempts at appearing confident and just named a price. I think I paid triple what I should have, but at that point, I was just too tired to argue. Plus, that fan is kind of fabulous in its own, gaudy way.
- Late Evening…:
- I am currently in my room. The fan is on a low setting. I've replayed the day in my head. Decided to try a bit of the hotel TV. It's all Chinese programming, which is perfect, because I understand not a thing. So, I'll just sit here in the dark, fan blowing away, and wondering if the dumpling vendor will accept my attempt at a marriage proposal tomorrow. Maybe.
Day 3 and Beyond: (The future is a blank canvas.)
Okay, so this isn't a precisely planned journey. This is Liuzhou. Anything can, and probably will, happen. I'm going to keep looking for dumplings. I'm definitely going to try and improve my Mandarin (wish me luck). And I'll probably get lost again. And maybe eat some more mystery food. But that's part of the adventure. And if not, there's always instant noodles. And the bright, ridiculous fan to remind me that, even with the chaos, it's all good. I’ll probably forget to update this, but… well, you get the idea. This is going to be a trip. A messy, imperfect, occasionally hilarious trip. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Indonesian Paradise: Your Stunning 1BR Deluxe Escape (PR15)
So, like, what *is* this thing, anyway? This… whatever it is we're doing?
Honestly? I have no fraggin' clue. It's like a conversation. A weird, rambling, possibly pointless conversation. The kind you have at 3 AM with your best friend after you both devoured an entire pizza. It might have *something* to do with… asking questions and answering them. Maybe. Don't quote me on that. My brain's still rebooting after that pizza.
Is there, like, a *POINT* to all of this? Besides me wasting precious time staring at a screen?
Probably not. But hey, who *really* knows the point of *anything*? Maybe the point is to… exist? Or to ponder the meaning of life while juggling existential angst and the urge to eat ice cream straight from the carton. Look, if you're looking for profound meaning in this, you're in the wrong place. Go read some philosophy. I'm just here to… well, be. And hopefully, entertain you, even if it's just for a few minutes.
Am I supposed to *understand* anything? Because I'm already lost.
Look, if *I* understand anything, it's a happy accident. Don't worry about understanding. Just… roll with it. Let the nonsense wash over you. Embrace the chaos. Think of it like a Jackson Pollock painting. You don't *understand* it, you *feel* it. Or, you feel confused and mildly annoyed. Both are valid reactions.
Okay, let's get serious for a second... what about the STRUCTURE of this thing? Is there a plan? A strategy?
Structure? Plan? Strategy? *Ha!* You're adorable. There's about as much structure to this as there is to a toddler's art project after they've had a sugar rush. It's a free-for-all. A stream of consciousness. A wild, untamed beast that I *attempt* to wrangle, but mostly just ends up… well, running amok. Sometimes I think about organizing it, but then I remember that life's too short to organize the beautiful mess. And honestly? I kinda like the mess. It's… authentic. True to the delightful chaos of the human experience.
Fine, let's talk about *ME*. Am I the target audience? Should I even be reading this?
Oh, honey, if you're asking if *you're* the target audience, then bless your heart. I have no idea. If you enjoy… well, whatever *this* is… then, yes, you're probably the target audience. If you're looking for something to make sense, you might want to move along. No hard feelings! Perhaps it's better to have a nice cup of tea and reread *Jane Eyre* instead. Or maybe you just *have* to find out what will happen next. Either way, welcome aboard!
What if I disagree with something? Or get massively offended?
Look, if you're easily offended, you probably should have clicked back to your cat videos by now. I'm just kidding… mostly. Disagree? Awesome! Engage! Debate! Yell at your screen! (Just don't throw your phone at it – those things are expensive.) Remember, this is all just… words. *My* words. Your feelings are perfectly valid, but don't expect me to change my mind (unless you have a really good argument, and even then… maybe). And if you're *massively* offended, feel free to tell me! Your feedback means… well, it means *something*. It tells me someone's actually reading this. And that's kinda cool.
Is there some big secret? A hidden meaning? A conspiracy I should be aware of?
Honey, if there's a big secret, *I* sure don't know it. Unless the secret is that everyone's faking it until they make it. In which case… I'm *killing* it! Seriously though, no conspiracy. No hidden agenda. Just… me, spilling my guts (figuratively, and hopefully not literally) on the internet. If there's a conspiracy *here*, it's that I'm still trying to figure this out myself.
Okay, let's get REAL personal. Have you ever messed up *badly*? Like, really, really embarrassing?
Oh, sweet heavens, where do I *begin*? Picture this: It's my cousin Sarah's wedding. Gorgeous venue, everyone looks amazing. I'm feeling good, maybe a *little* too good. I decide to give a toast. A *toast*! I had a perfectly crafted speech written, and I even rehearsed it in the mirror. All went smoothly, I felt like the cool cat. Then, the wine hit. Or maybe it was the nerves. Or maybe I just forgot the *entire English Language*.
I remember standing up, looking Sarah and her new husband in the eyes… and then… *nothing*. My brain just went blank. Utterly, completely, humiliatingly blank. I stammered for a second, then a third, and then... Well, I let out a loud, prolonged *BURP!* I swear, it echoed in the ballroom. Then, I just *burst* into tears. Not a single, dignified tear. I was howling, mascara running down my face like a river. I swear, the photographer got the whole thing on film. It's still burned into my memory. To this day, I get chills. And, I don't drink before giving a speech anymore.
So... You're clearly not a robot?
Nope. No robots here, just a slightly caffeinated, highly emotional, and occasionally sleep-deprived human being. I make typos. I contradict myself. I have bad hair days. I use too many exclamation points. I'm basically the opposite of perfection. And, honestly? I wouldn't have it any other way. Now, if you'll excuse me, I hear a bag of chips calling my name...
