Escape to Paradise: Elysian Beach Resort, US Virgin Islands
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving HEADFIRST into Elysian Beach Resort! This isn't your perfectly-polished travel blog post; this is the REAL deal, a messy, honest, and hopefully hilarious (and helpful!) review of Escape to Paradise: Elysian Beach Resort in the US Virgin Islands. Let's see if this place actually lives up to the name.
First Impressions & That Whole "Accessibility" Thing (Ugh, Let's Be Real)
Okay, right off the bat, accessibility is a massive deal for me. I’m looking for a good time and don’t wanna be lugging suitcases over sandy trails or struggling to get into restaurants. So, let's start there. The resort says it’s accessible, but you know how that goes. Wheelchair accessible is on the list, which is a good start, and listed facilities for disabled guests – though I’m always wary of buzzwords without specifics. I'll get into specifics, but it’s always worth calling ahead and double-checking. Elevator is key, so good! And that’s a basic requirement to get around. We will see what they offer on the ground. This is where I'm starting with a bit of "wait and see".
The Internet: My Digital Lifeline (Pray for Me)
Alright, let's talk about the real essentials. No, not the ocean (though that's pretty important, too). I need Internet. I need it to function. I'm online all the time, so I need to know what the Internet is like. The holy grail: Free Wi-Fi in All Rooms! The resort also boasts Internet [LAN] access, which is old school, but always good to see as a backup, and Wi-Fi in public areas. Pray for me. I will let you know if their speed is as strong as my coffee! They also advertise Internet services, so, yeah, expecting at least SOME of that is a bare minimum requirement. I'm a digital nomad, so this is my bread and butter.
Rooms: Where the Magic (and the Sleep) Happens
Okay, before we get to the beach vibes, let's talk room deets. This is where I get Real with this place!
- Air conditioning: A MUST.
- Additional toilet: Good for couples who like their space, which is most of us.
- Alarm clock: (yawn)
- Bathrobes, Hair Dryer, Slippers: Nice touches. We love hotel-provided robes!
- Bathtub, Separate shower/bathtub: A preference!
- Blackout curtains: Bless. My. Soul. Sleep is precious.
- Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea: Fuel for the soul (or at least the morning).
- Daily housekeeping: Obviously a MUST.
- Desk, Ironing facilities: Necessary for anyone who doesn't want to look like they slept in whatever they're wearing.
- Extra long bed: Score!
- In-room safe box: Always a good idea.
- Laptop workspace: Crucial.
- Mini bar: Always a fun surprise, even if it's overpriced.
- Non-smoking rooms: A plus for the air, depending on how you feel about smoke.
- On-demand movies, Satellite/cable channels: For those rainy days.
- Refrigerator: Crucial for stashing my snacks (and maybe a bottle of that sweet, sweet coconut water).
- Seating area, Sofa: Yay for lounging!
- Soundproofing: Please, please, please!
- Wi-Fi [free]: See internet section above.
- Window that opens: Fresh air, baby!
My BIGGEST Win: The Bathroom! (Oh, the Joy)
I am SO excited they offer Separate shower/bathtub, and Additional toilet! They also offer Hair Dryer and Slippers! I spend a lot of time in bathrooms, so these details can make or break a stay. They have included all of it! They have been noted as available items, this can be a winner!
Things to Do (Or, How to Avoid the Dreaded Boredom)
This is where Elysian Beach Resort promises to "escape" you to paradise. This is where I start to go from jaded traveler to maybe impressed. Let's see if it delivers. There are tons of options.
Wellness & Relaxation (Finding my Zen, or Not)
- Body scrub, Body wrap: Intriguing!
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: I should use these…
- Foot bath: Ooh la la.
- Massage: YES.
- Pool with view: Important.
- Sauna, Steamroom, Spa, Spa/sauna: My happy place.
- Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Obviously essential.
Eating & Drinking: Fueling Up for Paradise (or Disaster?)
- Restaurants, Bar, Poolside bar, Coffee shop, Snack bar: Variety is the spice of life.
- A la carte in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant: Options are GREAT!
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant: Big plus if they offer these!
- Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service: Key.
- Happy hour: Count me in!
- Room service [24-hour]: This is how magic happens.
- Specialty cuisines: Always a win!
- Bottle of water: Always appreciated.
Cleanliness & Safety (Because Nobody Wants a Holiday with a Side of Germs)
This is a BIG deal post-pandemic. I am obsessed with hygiene protocol, and the list here is impressive.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Good!
- Cashless payment service: Convenient.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Excellent.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: Necessary.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere, please!
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Crucial.
- Hygiene certification: Great to see!
- Individually-wrapped food options: Smart.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Always a good idea.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Reassuring.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: A nice option.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: The standard now, thankfully.
- Safe dining setup: More details needed, but promising.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Essential.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Huge.
- Sterilizing equipment: Shows a serious commitment.
Services & Conveniences (The Little Things That Make a Difference)
- Air conditioning in public area: YES!
- Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Currency exchange: Useful.
- Daily housekeeping, Doorman: Classy.
- Dry cleaning, Ironing service, Laundry service: Always appreciated.
- Elevator: See accessibility comments.
- Facilities for disabled guests: See accessibility comments.
- Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop: Fun.
- Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes: Trustworthy.
- Smoking area: For those who partake.
- Terrace: Always enjoy a terrace!
For the Kids (If You're Into That Whole Family Vacation Thing)
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: Fine. But if I want them, great. This isn't a family-friendly review, more of a "me-friendly" one.
Getting Around
- Airport transfer: Essential.
- Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: Options are good.
The Real Deal: What I'm REALLY Hoping For
Look, I want a room that’s clean, quiet, and has killer Wi-Fi. I want a pool with an actual view. I want a MASSAGE that melts away all my stress. I want a cocktail that tastes of sunshine and a beach that I can actually relax on. And, honestly? I want to feel like I’ve escaped the everyday grind and actually, truly recharged.
The Verdict: (To Be Determined…Stay Tuned!)
I haven't stayed there yet, but based on the available information, Elysian Beach Resort looks promising. The key will be in the execution. Do the rooms live up to the photos? Is the Wi-Fi actually usable? Does the spa transform you into a goddess? I'll be sure to dive deep and give you the REAL scoop, so stay tuned for the follow-up!
My Quirky Observation: I hope they have a good happy hour. And maybe, just maybe, a really, really good dessert menu. I'm a sucker for a great dessert.
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Alright, buckle up buttercups, because you're about to dive headfirst into my Elysian Beach Resort adventure. Forget those perfectly curated Instagram feeds; this is the raw, unfiltered truth of paradise… with a healthy dose of chaos.
Elysian Beach Resort: Operation "Actually Relax" (Emphasis on the “Attempted”)
Day 1: Arrival & Immediate Existential Dread (And Rum Punch, Obviously)
- 8:00 AM - 10:00 AM: St. Thomas Airport. Getting through customs? A breeze. Finding my luggage? A monumental struggle. Seriously, I swear my suitcase was off living its best life in the baggage carousel's VIP section while I was left to wonder if I'd accidentally packed a tiny, sentient chihuahua. Finally wrestled it free, though, and thank God, because I needed those flip-flops immediately.
- 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM: The shuttle van to the resort. The driver, a man named Kevin, started the drive with a booming "WELCOME TO PARADISE!" which instantly made me question if I'd packed enough sunscreen. It's a long, winding drive. Lots to see. Very pretty. But also: "Am I really doing this? Am I really on vacation?! I have emails waiting for me, aren't I forgetting something important back home? Oh god, what was that work deadline?!" Deep breaths. Rum punch is the only solution (more on that later).
- 11:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Check-in. The lobby is gorgeous, all white marble and breezy linen curtains. And the staff? Impeccably polite. Almost too polite. I felt like I was auditioning for a role in a super-posh movie. Fumbled with my credit card, mumbled something about "needing a vacation from my life". Got the room key.
- 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM: Room reveal. Okay, THIS is more like it. Ocean view, balcony, a bed big enough to actually starfish on. Quick unpack (essentials only, those emails can wait!), ripped open the mini-bar, and pulled out a bottle of something vaguely resembling "Caribbean Paradise in a Bottle". Downed half the bottle. Felt instantly better about everything.
- 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Beach Reconnaissance. The Elysian's beach. White sand, turquoise water, and… hordes of people. Okay, not hordes, but enough to make me realize I'm not quite as "away from it all" as I'd hoped. Managed to snag a lounge chair (victory!), slathered on sunscreen like my life depended on it (it might), and started reading my book. (Said book was abandoned after two pages in favor of gazing intently at the waves. A much better use of my time.)
- 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Rum Punch Appreciation. This should be a full-time job. Went to the beach bar, ordered a rum punch (the bartender's name was Dwayne, FYI, and he has a smile that can melt glaciers), and settled in. Watched the sunset. Realized I was smiling like a lunatic. The rum punch, clearly, was working wonders. Also, Dwayne made the best rum punch. I swear, he was putting some kind of magic in that drink.
- 5:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Dinner at the resort's restaurant. Seafood. Fresh seafood. I devoured my lobster risotto like it was the last meal on Earth. The waiter, bless his heart, kept refilling my water glass even though I was clearly more interested in the wine list. Almost embarrassed myself by accidentally asking for a "second" dinner.
- 7:00 PM - Bedtime: Walk on the beach. Staring at the stars. Contemplating the meaning of life (or at least, the meaning of my overflowing overflowing rum punch glass). Passed out, fully clothed, at 9 pm. No regrets.
Day 2: Aqua Adventure (And Questionable Decisions)
- 8:00 AM - 9:00 AM: Woke up, blurry-eyed. Realized I was probably still slightly tipsy. Coffee, stat!
- 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Breakfast. The buffet was… a whole vibe. So many choices! I stuck to the fresh fruit, the slightly stale croissant, and the extremely strong, but necessary, coffee.
- 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM: Snorkeling! Booked a little excursion through the resort. The boat ride was a bit choppy (seasickness threatened, but I bravely fought it off!), and the snorkeling itself… stunning. Fish! Coral! Colors I didn't even know existed! I almost choked when I saw a turtle swimming under the surface. I was a little too close to a very vibrant, and very large, sea urchin and had to be swiftly rescued by the boat captain. Turns out, I'm not as skilled at the whole "ocean thing" as I thought. Still, the beauty of it was worth it.
- 1:00 PM - 2:00 PM: Lunch. Post-snorkeling, I was ravenous. Ordered a burger at the beach bar (Dwayne was back!). Ate it. Felt amazing.
- 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Kayaking (attempted). Decided I was a master of the sea. Rented a kayak. Immediately got stuck in a rogue current. Almost capsized. Ended up paddling in circles while yelling at the waves. Finally gave up and paddled back to shore, humiliated but alive. (Side note: I’m not sure I will ever be a kayak person.)
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Pool time. Relegated myself to the pool, where the water was still and the danger minimal. Spent a peaceful couple of hours reading, napping, and occasionally dipping a toe in the water. Life was good.
- 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM: "Happy Hour" (which, let's be honest, was most of the day). Back at the beach bar, this time armed with a book about the history of cocktails (research, people!). Dwayne, bless his heart, knew my order before I even opened my mouth.
- 7:00 PM - Bedtime: Dinner at a local restaurant that wasn't the hotel. The food was… interesting. I felt a bit out of my depth with the local cuisine. The service was slow. The air conditioner was on full blast. I tried, I really did. Another failed dinner attempt. Watched some TV, crashed early again.
Day 3: Relaxation (With a Side of Misadventure)
- 8:00 AM - 9:00 AM: Slept in! Hallelujah!
- 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Breakfast, the regular routine.
- 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM: Spa Day. Booked a massage. Best decision of the trip. Felt like a puddle of warm butter afterward. Almost fell asleep during the facial. Pure, unadulterated bliss.
- 12:00 PM - 1:00 PM: Lunch. Sushi, in my robe. The spa life is the only life.
- 1:00 PM - 3:00 PM: Beach. Continued the reading. Felt supremely content.
- 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM: Attempted to learn paddle boarding. More failure. More saltwater in the face. More giggling.
- 5:00 PM - 7:00 PM: Back to the beach bar for the rum punch and the Dwayne.
- 7:00 PM - Bedtime: Dinner and a stroll on the beach. Started to feel a pang of sadness. You know, the "it's almost over" feeling. The sunset was spectacular. The sound of the waves was hypnotic. Got real sentimental. Started to plan my return to Elysian Beach Resort. Passed out again.
Day 4: Goodbye, Paradise (…For Now)
- 8:00 AM - 9:00 AM: Final Breakfast. Swear I ate like I would never see food again.
- 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM: Packing. Resisting the urge to shove everything I could in my suitcase. (Including Dwayne and all the rum punch ingredients).
- 10:00 AM - 11:00 AM: Last-minute beach walk. Said goodbye to the ocean. Vowed
Escape to Paradise: Elysian Beach Resort - Your Questions (and My Ramblings)
