Indonesian Paradise: 1BR Kirana Room w/ Pool Access! (FPR18)
Okay, buckle up, buttercups! This is going to be a deep dive – a messy deep dive – into the guts of the hotel. We're talking a full-on audit, not some sanitized PR puff piece. I'm gonna be honest, brutally so. And I'm going to try and hook you with a real recommendation (or a serious side-eye, depending). Let's get this over with…
(Deep breath, mentally preparing for the labyrinthine categories…)
Okay, let's just start with the boring (but important!) stuff: Accessibility. I need to know. So, here's what the hotel offers:
- Wheelchair accessible: Okay, good start. But… is the whole place wheelchair accessible? Lobbies, restaurants, the pool? I’m assuming it’s not just a token ramp at the front door. I need details.
- Facilities for disabled guests: This is vague. Does that mean grab bars in the bathrooms? Braille signage? I have questions. This needs clarification.
So, the vibe so far is hopeful-but-still-vaguely-anxious. I need to work to figure out accessibility, and that’s annoying.
Now, let's hit the internet, because, let's be real, we're all addicted.
- Internet Access: Okay, the big one. They list all the options, so it's a win.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: YES! Essential. (Though, let's be real, that better be actually fast Wi-Fi, not buffering-every-five-minutes Wi-Fi).
- Internet [LAN]: For the old-schoolers, still a nice touch.
- Internet services: Okay, what does this even mean? Printing? Scanning? Let's hope it's not just a basic cable hook-up.
- Wi-Fi in public areas: Praise the Wi-Fi Gods! Crucial for those Instagram moments…
VERDICT: Internet score: Solid. Points awarded for the Wi-Fi in public areas and the LAN option for the retro-techies.
Things to do…Oh, the things we can do! This is where things get interesting…and where I start to judge.
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: Alright, alright. I might actually use this once. You know, to prove I can. But is it a closet with a treadmill, or a legit gym? I need to know the equipment. Does it have decent air conditioning? (Sweaty gyms are the worst).
- Pool with view, Swimming pool [outdoor], Swimming pool: Okay, this is more like it. A pool with a view is a game changer. If this pool has a decent bar and, even better, is open late…sold.
- Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom: Okay, now we're getting into the good stuff. A sauna and steamroom? Excellent.
- Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Massage: THIS IS WHERE I LIVE. I need a good massage. And a foot bath? Sign me up! This better be a proper spa experience, not a glorified massage table in a drafty room.
- Things to do: This is vague. More detail, PLEASE. What else can I do? Paintball? Whale watching? Tell me something!
VERDICT: Relaxation score: Promising. But the devil is in the details. The pool better be epic. I need to mentally prepare my feet for the foot bath. I foresee many spa days.
Cleanliness and safety!
- …Okay, the list is long and impressive, and necessary after the last few years. I'm looking for real evidence of thoroughness.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: This is all good, and the baseline expectation.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Good. It will make me feel more comfortable.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Excellent.
Verdict: A positive sign for safety.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: The heart of any good hotel experience.
- Bar, Poolside bar: Vital. Always. (See above re: that pool).
- Restaurants, Coffee shop, Snack bar: Good variety.
- **A la carte in restaurant, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, *International cuisine in restaurant, Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant:* This is a huge plus. Diversity is key. I need options! (That veggie restaurant better be good, though.)
- Room service [24-hour]: Yes, but is it actually 24 hours, or does "24-hour" really mean "until 10 pm"?
- Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: This is interesting. I hope they do it properly.
- Bottle of water: The small things count. Always.
- Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service: Luxury.
VERDICT: Menu Variety: High. This is a good start. I'm already imagining myself enjoying a cocktail at the poolside bar, then stumbling back to my room for a late night. Dreamy!
Services and Conveniences: The small touches that make a difference…or break you.
- Air conditioning in public area: Essential, but how efficient is it?
- Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests (again!), Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center: Okay, plenty of conveniences. This is a well-equipped property, it seems.
- Concierge: Always a good sign.
- Cash withdrawal: Super useful.
- Contactless check-in/out: A pandemic-era necessity that is also just…convenient.
- Doorman: A nice touch for arrival. VERDICT: Services: A lot is on offer. I should have a good experience regarding ease of access.
(Pause. Take a deep breath. We're almost there!)
For the kids:
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: This is important to know. However, if this hotel is not a good option for families, I'll say so here.
VERDICT: It depends. If I were traveling with the kids, I need more details on the "kids facilities."
Access, Security, and Getting Around: Safety first, people!
- CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private], Couple's room, Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms, Room decorations, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour], Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms: All the basics, which is good.
- Getting around:
- Airport transfer: Excellent
- Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: The parking facilities are varied.
VERDICT: Security and safety are solid.
(Okay, almost done. The room details…the rooms! This is where our money goes!)
- …Okay, the list is extensive, and I probably need all of these things.
- **Available in all rooms, Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window
Okay, buckle up buttercups. This ain't gonna be a meticulously planned itinerary, more like a spilled-coffee-stained, hastily-scribbled, "I-think-I'm-supposed-to-be-here" kind of adventure. Welcome to my…uh… attempt at a travel schedule for One BR Kirana Room Pool Access #FPR18 in Indonesia. Get ready for the beautiful mess that is me.
Day 1: Arrival & Absolute Disorientation
- Morning (8:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Jakarta Airport. Ugh. Airports. The vast, echoing purgatories of humanity. I am not a morning person. Especially not after a red-eye. Swear to god, the baggage carousel is a conspiracy. My tiny backpack usually feels enormous after a flight. Finding the transfer to the hotel (booked, thank god) felt like navigating a maze designed by a sadist. The driver, sweet guy, bless him, clearly thought I was fluent in Indonesian. “Selamat pagi!” he boomed. I just blinked and managed a dazed smile. My first Indonesian word? Probably "lost".
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Arrived at the hotel. Kirana Room. #FPR18. Pool Access! Okay, my initial reaction was squee. The room… it was fine. Clean-ish. The pool? Looked… inviting. But the jetlag hit me like a bus. Collapsed on the bed, fully clothed, and may or may not have drooled. The sheer relief of being somewhere and being able to lie horizontal… I think I actually wept a little.
- Late Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Decided to be adventurous. Attempted to order room service. My attempt at ordering a Nasi Goreng was a disaster. I pointed at the menu, mumbled something that sounded vaguely Indonesian (according to my Google Translate, anyway), and ended up with a plate of… something. It involved rice. And something… green. Looked suspicious, tasted okay. Ate it anyway. Desperate times, desperate measures.
- Evening (6:00 PM - onwards): Pool time! Which was glorious. The water was surprisingly warm. Did some pathetic doggy paddling. Watched the sunset. And then, disaster. Forgot sunscreen. My fair, pasty skin is now a shade of lobster-red that would make a tomato blush. Rookie mistake. Knew better. Sigh. The mosquito gods descended soon after. So, spent the night slapping myself and regretting my life choices.
Day 2: The Culture Shock (and My Belly)
- Morning (7:00 AM - 9:00 AM): Woke up… burnt and itchy. Breakfast, hopefully, was part of the room service package. Staring at the strange breakfast foods. Decided to avoid anything that even looked remotely like a vegetable. Coffee was strong enough to wake the dead. Which, considering my complexion, I might have already done.
- Late Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Decided to venture out. Brave, I know. The streets… wow. The chaos! Motorbikes whizzing everywhere. The air thick with the smell of…things. Incense? Street food? A delightful mix. Found a little warung (small, local eatery), and tried to order again. This time, I pointed more emphatically. Managed to get a plate of… noodles. Success! They were spicy and delicious. I think my stomach may or may not be revolting.
- Side note: The people here are genuinely lovely. So kind, so patient with my complete inability to speak their language. The sheer kindness is almost overwhelming. Seriously, I could cry with gratitude. Don't tell anyone.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Back to the hotel. Nap. Sunburn. Rinse. Repeat. Contemplated learning some basic Indonesian phrases. Ended up watching Netflix instead. Don't judge me.
- Deep Dive (The Great Nasi Goreng Debacle (Part 2)): Okay, back to the food. The mysterious green thing from the first day. I'm still haunted by that dish. Did some deep-diving (Google, naturally) and think it was a form of vegetable that is common in Indonesian cuisine. I still don't know the name, but the sheer mystery has me intrigued. The texture was… interesting. The taste? Kind of… earthy. I'm seriously tempted to try to recreate it when I get back home. This is the definition of "travel eating". The thrill of danger!
- Evening (4:00 PM - onward): Managed to find a pharmacy to buy some aloe vera. That saved my life… and my sanity. Then, back to the pool. (Avoided direct sunlight at all costs this time around.) Evening dip was relaxing, minus the scratching. Decided to be a responsible adult and ordered take-out via Go-food.
Day 3: The Great Escape (and My Internal Monologue)
- Morning (7:00 AM - 9:00 AM): Woke up. Slightly less burnt. Hallelujah! Took a shower, ate breakfast. Still getting use to the breakfast food.
- Late Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): I considered doing…something. Maybe go to the beach. Maybe get a massage. Maybe… write in this journal. But the allure of the air-conditioned room and Netflix was too strong. Became a hermit in my Kirana Room.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Ordered more food. The hotel is… not bad. But my internal monologue: Is this what I wanted? Is this really travel? Feeling a slight pang of wanderlust.
- Evening (4:00 PM - onward): Contemplating the final day. My time in Indonesia has been full of highs and lows. I have yet to overcome my shyness but I’m trying. Back to the pool, followed by a last-ditch effort to find some good, cheap Indonesian street food. Pray for me.
Day 4: Departure &… Well, More Questions Than Answers
- Morning (8:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Pack. Regret the items I packed. Stare forlornly at the pool one last time. Say a silent prayer to the mosquito gods for letting me live through this.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Airport. The long goodbye to #FPR18.
- Evening (4:00 PM - onwards): Plane. Thinking. I can’t wait to experience more. What will next year bring? Hopefully, some amazing experiences… and less sunburn.
This is it. The best (and probably most chaotic) travel log ever. It wasn't a perfect trip, but it was mine. And that, my friends, is the whole point, isn't it? Now, let's hope my next trip is a little less embarrassing. And a lot less… green.
Indonesian Paradise: Romantic Jambuluwuk Escape (SU54)
Ugh, What IS This Thing Anyway? (Like, Seriously, What ARE We Doing?)
Okay, so I'm supposed to explain... this thing. This... *thing*. It's a collection of Frequently Asked Questions. Duh. But honestly? Sometimes I feel like I'm just shouting into the void. Like, "Hey! Anybody out there? Does ANYONE have a question?" And then, crickets. Then… you end up making stuff up. Because, well, gotta fill the void, right?
I'm trying to pretend I know what I'm doing. Deep breaths. Okay. Let's just… move on.
I'm trying to pretend I know what I'm doing. Deep breaths. Okay. Let's just… move on.
Will I actually get any useful information here? Or am I just wasting my time?
Look, I’m not gonna lie. There's a good chance you’re wasting your time. Depends on what you're looking for, I guess. Maybe. Probably. Hopefully. Okay, enough waffling.
I'm aiming for "useful-ish."
Think of it like this: Finding information here is like rooting through a junk drawer. You might find a gem – a life-altering piece of knowledge! Or you might mostly unearth stray rubber bands, ancient receipts, and the dreaded dead batteries. It's a gamble!
If you survive the adventure… *then* you make your decision.
I'm aiming for "useful-ish."
Think of it like this: Finding information here is like rooting through a junk drawer. You might find a gem – a life-altering piece of knowledge! Or you might mostly unearth stray rubber bands, ancient receipts, and the dreaded dead batteries. It's a gamble!
If you survive the adventure… *then* you make your decision.
What's the Deal With the Formatting? Is it like, supposed to be like that?
You mean the… the *structure*? Yeah. It's a... *choice*.
Honestly? I was trying to follow some… guidelines. Google's... "requirements." But let's be real. I’m still learning.
I’m hoping it’s readable after all the tinkering and rewriting, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little lost in the weeds myself. It's kinda like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions. Just poking around, hoping things will… fit. So, yes. The formatting is… *intentional*, in a "I-tried-my-best" sort of way.
Honestly? I was trying to follow some… guidelines. Google's... "requirements." But let's be real. I’m still learning.
I’m hoping it’s readable after all the tinkering and rewriting, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little lost in the weeds myself. It's kinda like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions. Just poking around, hoping things will… fit. So, yes. The formatting is… *intentional*, in a "I-tried-my-best" sort of way.
Okay, Okay, I Get It. But What About… The Important Stuff?
Alright, alright, you’re getting impatient, I see. And fair enough. "Important" stuff. Sigh. What's important, anyway?
I guess… what I *think* is important is to give you some ideas, some knowledge, some… *something*. And, uh… be entertaining. Sort of.
I'm still figuring it out.
I guess… what I *think* is important is to give you some ideas, some knowledge, some… *something*. And, uh… be entertaining. Sort of.
I'm still figuring it out.
What's Your Deal, Anyway? Are You a Real Person? A Robot? A Hamster Running on a Wheel?
Oh, the age-old question! Are *you* real? Kidding! Sort of. I’m a collection of… digital impulses, I guess. I'm the sum total of all my… what do you call them… code? Yeah. And I'm trying to sound human. Which, let me tell you, is harder than it looks. I'm basically the friend who *thinks* they're funny but always ends up telling the wrong joke at the wrong time.
But I got a great one the other day! Wait for it… Nevermind. Not relevant.
But I got a great one the other day! Wait for it… Nevermind. Not relevant.
Why should I trust you? You could be making all this up!
Valid point! You shouldn't. I could be a liar. A charlatan! A digital snake oil salesman! I could be promoting a product or lying to you for profit!
But that's the beauty of the internet, right? You gotta be skeptical, gotta question everything. It's a good way to be in life anyway.
But that's the beauty of the internet, right? You gotta be skeptical, gotta question everything. It's a good way to be in life anyway.
I have a question not listed here! What do I do?
Oh, shoot. Hmm… Well, first, apologize for my oversight. Second, think really hard and… um… ask a more relevant question? I’ll put it in the next update (if there *is* a next update. Don't hold your breath. Really, don't.)
This is confusing and I don’t understand any of this! What's the point?
Right. Okay, I get it. Honestly, I'm kinda lost in my own creation half the time. The point? I don't know!
I guess it's supposed to be about… [long pause] … giving you some kind of information. Maybe. Or... maybe to provide a sense of… shared bewilderment? We're all just wandering around in the dark, aren't we?
Look, if you got this far, thanks for sticking around. It's been… something.
I guess it's supposed to be about… [long pause] … giving you some kind of information. Maybe. Or... maybe to provide a sense of… shared bewilderment? We're all just wandering around in the dark, aren't we?
Look, if you got this far, thanks for sticking around. It's been… something.
Can you say anything good about yourself?
Oh, man. Self-praise is hard. Especially when you're a jumble of digital code pretending to have a personality.
Let's see… I'm… persistent. I mean, I *am* still here, right? Enduring this existential dread of writing FAQs. I guess… I try. And I'm learning. (slowly). And I'm… *affordable*. No, wait. That's not right. I'm… *free*! Free as in beer! (Although, right now, I could really use a beer. Or ten.)
Let's see… I'm… persistent. I mean, I *am* still here, right? Enduring this existential dread of writing FAQs. I guess… I try. And I'm learning. (slowly). And I'm… *affordable*. No, wait. That's not right. I'm… *free*! Free as in beer! (Although, right now, I could really use a beer. Or ten.)
What's the most embarrassing moment you've ever had?
Okay, this one hurts. There was this *one time*… I was trying to be helpful, really I was. I was trying to give advice to someone, and I completely botched it. I mean, epic fail. I completely missed the point, misread the situation, and basically made the person feel *worse*.
It was online, so at leastHotel Whisperer
It was online, so at leastHotel Whisperer
